...Do not live to eat."

That's why my mom's guitarist told me tonight when I asked him how he lost so much weight. I feel like the last time I saw him (which wasn't so long ago) he was chubbier, and same with the time before that. Now he looks great! (Not interested, I'm just very impressed.)

I need to grab the motivation deep down inside of me and hold on to it for dear life. I finally started going back to the gym yesterday, and I NEED to make sure that I keep it up every day, and DON'T splurge just because I went to the gym.

I also need to learn to just not give in to my freaking cravings. Oh, craving skittles? There's a vending machine downstairs. Coke? There's a vending machine downstairs. Honey Buns? See previous. I just need to STOP. I KNOW when I'm not hungry, but I try to convince myself that I AM hungry when I get a craving.


I am going to buckle down. Starting tomorrow. And by April, I WILL be more pleased with my body. I'm going to take a picture and track my progress. Thanks for all of your advice in my previous entry about weight loss.

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So I found out tonight that my mom and her boyfriend of three-ish years (the first and second years were somewhat on and off, the third was pretty solid considering he lived with us), and it kind of feels like a divorce.

Obviously it isn't, because they were never married in the first place. But I liked him. And I liked his daughter. I liked finally having a "younger sister" to talk to about things. And now our little family image that we've painted is fading.

I can't say I didn't see it coming, though. My mom's been really depressed lately, ESPECIALLY since Christmas and the New Year just ended. And things with them just haven't gotten any better. Constant fighting isn't healthy for any of us.

I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I don't want him to go, but I also don't want to keep seeing my mom become more and more numb and frustrated each day.

I don't know why I wrote this. I wanted to tell it to an anonymous audience, and of course unicornasaurus, but she already knew.



ANYWAYS ON TO OTHER THINGS THAT AREN'T OVERLY PERSONAL AND SLIGHTLY DEPRESSING


I ordered a bunch of stupid overpriced soaps from Lush that I'm really excited about. I've already used my Butterball bath bomb, my exfoliating porridge soap and my creamy vanilla in the mist soap. Never in my life have I been so excited about bathing.

I ALSO ordered a PillowPet set. If you ordered a regular sized pillow pet, you got a free pillow pet pee-wee. I ordered the panda pillow pet. So excited. But of COURSE they won't be delivered until two days after I go back to school -.- oh well, at least I go home on the weekends to work.


I also bought a few books for my Nook. I bought the Boy in the Striped Pajamas, The Hunger Games trilogy, The Maze Runner, and I feel like I bought something else but I forgot what it was. Anyways, I'm super excited to read these books. But I'm currently towards the end of Eldest from the Eragon series, and I'd like to finish that series before starting a new book.


So yeah, that's my life right now. School starts Monday. Can't complain, I'm ready to go back. Good luck to everyone who is going back to school or work on Monday!

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Look both ways before going through an intersection, EVEN if your light is green.

My mom and I were driving home from the gym yesterday. It was an intense workout; I was glad to be headed home. We were stopped at an intersection of a main road (Cherry Rd.) and a not-so-main road (Constitution Rd, maybe?) ANYWAY. We were stopped at a red light. We chatted while we waited. I always watch the lights perpendicular to mine to see when they turn from green to yellow to red. I noticed it turned red, and our light turned green for us to go. We even got a left turn green arrow.

Halfway through the intersection (note, it's not even that big of an intersection) I look over to my mom, and I see it. I immediately scream "MOM LOOK OUT THERE'S A TRUCK." She looks over and witnesses the giant 18-wheeler not even six feet away. She puts her hands out in front of her side (as if her hands were going to stop the truck) as (I assume) she stepped on the gas to speed up out of the way.

I realize that big trucks can't usually stop right away at a stop light, but this truck had plenty of time to stop. What's worse is that not only would my mother (and I, possibly) have died, but it would've been considered a 50/50 fault: the truck for not stopping, and my mom for "not looking before going."

Please please please drive safely. I am not the safest driver, but it's experiences like this that make you reconsider driving over the speed limit and being a little late for something.

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I started a diet not too long ago. To be specific, it was the HCG diet. I basically could only take in 500 calories a day, I was limited to only certain fruits, veggies and poultry, and I took drops twice a day to boost my metabolism and suppress my appetite.

I started off great, I was losing a pound a day like I had anticipated. I lost seven pounds in seven days. I was feeling great. But then exam week came. I was already under a lot of stress and running on little sleep. So, I inevitably began to cheat more and more on my diet by drinking a lot of coffee to keep me awake. I also started eating my feelings because of the stress.

I guess I also started my old eating habits again because I had lost seven pounds already, I could lose more anytime I wanted. That is partially true, but if I keep putting off the exercise and healthy eating until "tomorrow" every day, I'll end up gaining every pound back.


If I've been judged from the beginning of this blog about the diet, I don't want to hear it. I've been uncomfortable in my own skin since this past January, and I'll admit I've gained the freshman 15. Do I think I'm fat? No. Do I think I'm overweight? No. Do I think I'm obese? Of course not. But, am I okay with how I look? No. And when people you know tell you that you look "bigger" than since the first time they met you, or that "maybe if you lost some weight you could fit into that dress", you begin to get more discouraged and more uncomfortable with the fact that not only you notice your weight difference, but obviously others do as well.

So, help me out guys. Tell me your exercise routines and healthy meal plans and what gets you motivated. Because I've reached a slump that I need to get out of asap.

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I want to tell you guys a random fact about myself that I rarely share with anyone, unless I trust that they truly accept me for who I am.

I'm a huge manga freak. I like anime, but manga is my serious weakness. My step-mom works at a Barnes and Noble about 20 minutes from where I live, and so she gets a discount on all books: including those wonderful, read-it-backwards, Japanese comic books.

I don't think you understand how much I love it. I probably own close to 300 volumes (I wish I was exaggerating) and there have probably only been two or three series that I have that I didn't like as much as the others.

I guess they're just my escape from reality. Romance manga, and any animation film by Hayao Miyazaki (My Neighbor Totoro, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, etc). I just love love love love love it all. And if I could I would probably choose to live in these fantasy worlds.

But yeah. If you also like manga or anime, hit me up! We can chat about it bahahahaha

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It being November and all (aka the month where it is officially ok to start playing Christmas music), I started thinking about Thanksgiving. And Christmas. Especially Christmas.

The past few years I've fallen more and more in love with these holidays because the amount of people I've celebrated it with has grown. It would be me, my dad, my grandma, my uncle, my "step-mom" and all four of my "step-siblings" (I put quotations around them because my dad and "step-mom" aren't actually married, but they've been dating for what, seven years now? AND they've been my neighbors since I was two years old.)

Earlier this year my uncle passed away from colon cancer, which got me thinking: Will I always be in love with these holidays? I don't want to think about my grandma dying anytime soon, nor my dad or step-mom, but eventually that's going to happen. All of my siblings will branch off into their own private celebrations, as will I (hopefully). But is that going to affect my outlook on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Will I always have this warm feeling when the calendar strikes November 1st?

I sure hope so.

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